| ⭐✨ |
Drake has been a walking paradox for a not insignificant portion of his career now. In one breath, he currently stands as the highest selling current day rap and R&B artist. On the other hand, he is handily the most insecure, pick-me narcissist to ever wear the honour of such commercial status. Hence, the title of “Iceman” works in a couple of rather contradictory ways. It is both the lofty promise of an ego desperate to retain any last semblance of cred, incapable of actually masking his shortcomings with the bravado he believes he is oozing. It is also descriptive of the temperature of the music and his bars on arrival. From the jump, Drake is doing nothing to rile up my confidence levels. “Make Them Cry” ironically is Drake at his most whiny adult baby. “I got growin’ up to do, I gotta dig deep, I really hate those two words, they never bring peace”. Toughen up, princess. You lost the beef, sued for hurt feelings, that failed, and now you’re in the studio “loading rebuttals” *two years later*. “I’m ‘bout to turn 40 dog, I’m battlin’ agin’”. Seriously? This is “Iceman”? Given all the hype around this “no more Mr. Nice Man” posturing pre-album, to open with such limp grievances and a performance this bereft of any killer instinct is seriously concerning.
What follows from here is hardly even worth talking about, to be honest. The most notable moments from a discourse perspective are the ones where he’s rehashing height jokes towards Kendrick, or writing something so corny that it becomes the focal point of an otherwise middling deep cut. The longer, stream-of-consciousness tracks lose steam after the first minute of typically five. Mostly because Drake doesn’t seem to possess the facilities to actually switch his flow up all too radically, clearly feeling satisfied that the beat changes will do the heavy lifting for him. On top of that though, he recycles through the same three or four subjects for the entire duration. “Industry evil, people don’t really like me, Kendrick was a meaniepoo, I’m going through things in life”. Rinse and repeat. No spin either, it’s the same framing as per usual. Sprinkle in a light dash of vague betrayal towards people in his life, and you essentially have the bulk of this album’s lyrical themes in a nutshell. From a production standpoint, the beats are by no means horrendous. Generally, they are satisfactory in that they tick the usual pop rap boxes, remaining as inoffensive as possible so as to not force his fans to have to think *too* hard about what they’re hearing (okay, that was slightly uncalled for, felt good though). Dominant 808’s? Check. Crisp, mid-paced trap drums? Check. Obligatory melodic loop that is so processed and functions so much like background ambience that it might as well not have been included in the first place? ✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅.
The only real highlights to actually speak of were “Whisper My Name”, which from a flow and songwriting standpoint see Drake actually dishing out some nimble refrains and not-completely-bitter-and-sorry-for-his-pride bars. It’s miraculous, and that’s not hyperbole. “B’s On The Table” is just as much a 21 Savage track as it is a Drake track, and that’s enough for me to whack it in the “pro’s” category. “2 Hard 4 The Radio” is Drake’s mostly decent attempt at a Bay Area hyphy cut, featuring P-Lo production and a Mac Dre homage. It’s tolerable, and comparatively to the rest of this needy shitshow, that gets it over the line. “Plot Twist” has one of the icier melodies on the project, and that alone gives it some points. Drake’s spelled-out hook and “twist” repetition is ear-grabbing at first, though his failure to take this basic idea further than its starting point breeds staleness. Beyond this though, ‘ICEMAN’ is easily Drake at his most performative and lame. It’s clear, at his ripe old age of 40, that he is now the one needing to play catch up. His cosplaying as a gang-affiliated grim reaper becomes lazier by the year, and it’s obvious that his one-sided spar with Lamar back in 2024 did a sublime job at exposing him for the LARPing fake that he so obviously has been for years now. I’ve decided I’m not even going to bother formally reviewing his other two stream-farm drops either, both are such nothingburgers right out the gate that it would actually be a waste of everyone’s time, including mine. I am nothing if not merciful.
Dan Will Review 